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No one had expected that a heard of wild, raving, maniacal koalas would attack the Verandah.
"I thought they were slow, dim-witted animals." Was all ADMIN could utter as the pouched beasties ransacked the place.
"We've gotta' put a stop to them before they disrupt breakfast in Riffer's! I hear them buzzing like giant bees!"
Buzzing like giant bees? It was then that the alarm clock by his bedside awoke him fully. "Damn," he thought. "That's the third time I've had that dream this week."
"Thank God for the snooze button!" was his next thought, as he hit the bar on top of the clock and promptly went back to sleep.
Quickly, before Jerry awakens, the Evil Professor collects his heard of koals, and readies them to torment Jerry some future night.
Pulls the plug to his alarm clock from the wall, stuffs it in his pouch...and sslllooowwwly crawls out, Dim-witted, I don't think so!
<I>steps quietly through the side door...looking around for a familiar face.....that old soft couch....hmmmmm...c
<i>tick-tick-tick</i> the sound slowly penetrates her sleep, as she twists
restlessly on the bus station bench. As the grey dawn comes into view,
she scrunches up tighter under her thin coat, moving away from the creature
with the annoying tic. Then awareness comes more fully, and she says again, for the millionth time.
"Where is he? Why wasn't he here to meet me?"
She caught herself furatively watching each passerby. "Stop it!" she scolded...
"If he intended to come, he'd be here." Her eyes, clouded with tears and lack
of sleep, at last focus on the man in the wool camel-coloured coat.He was
holding a newspaper as if it were a prop in a B grade detective movie. Never
once did his gaze fall from her to the paper. The better part of an hour later,
he was still keeping up the newspaper facade, while she feigned sleep on the bench.
Without warning, a police man grabbed her elbow and half-lifted her off of the bench
"Come along now, Miss. We'll have no vagrants lazing about here" Before she could utter
a protest he'd gathered her things and marched her out the exit. It was only then
that the officer lifted his hat and she saw the unmistakable twinkling steele blue eyes.
In a mixture of joy and confusion she said "What??...Its you? A cop?
Where the hell were you last night...""
"I'm sorry......its that damn evil Professor and his marauding marsupials.
They're at it again!"
"But I'm glad you've come."
What! He's trying to take over the Verhandah, again?
She looks up just in time to see a truckload of kangaroos careening towards them.....*dodging aside she
added* We'd better go warn Jerry and Chris. That truck with no license plate was no accident.
Under the disguise of a wrapper, squack box on his shoulder, he walks past the lady and the cop...peeking over his sunglasses, clicking his fingers to the music
, hoping they wouldn't recognize him. He knew what he had to do
and his evil smile grew bigger...showing a gleaming gold tooth.
They'll be none of that as long as I'm here, eh. A herd of delinquint wallies is
just _not_ on! *puts the cuffs on the marauding marsupial and leads him to his
LandCruiser and takes him off to interrogation*
<I>...meanwhile, back at the Verandah</i><p>
There is the soft scraping of leather soles on the uncarpeted hallway. Slowly,
the door to the room opened. letting in a thin thread of the dim light.
"Here...this room has been closed off for many years. No one but the old
creepy ADMIN had a key to this wing and he'd never venture out here. We can
talk privately."
"Okay," the man in the worn brown suit answered as he searched in the
flashlight beam for a candle, "Sit down and I'll tell you the story from the beginning."
"It was about 6 months ago......late on a moonless evening....it was black as night out
and she appeared there on the steps. At first we thought she was lost....
And then, on the last day of the month, the evil professor is up to it again. He knows it is time, as he prepares the super strength coffee for the koalas. He laughs to himself thinking of the havoc the small beasts will cause for ADMIN tonight. MSIE troubles will be minor for ADMIN compared to these little guys.
Prepares some hot chocolate to calm down the hyper koola's.
Then looks around to adjust her uniform seeing it had ridden up.
Seeing the uniform riding up the Serving Wench, decides that the ridding of the riding is the best
option of all.
Then notices the yellow glare of Koala eyes in the shadows. Hears the girrup of a Kookaburra.
What wings has a night like this? What has the beast done to Outback Bob? "Late" of the RCMP may now carry
a more sinister meaning.
(grin) ---and, OH! how original--bear it.
She thinks wryly as she quietly tip-toes past the serving wench's chambers, where the wench is changing into something more comfortable. Tori has been retained by family members to see if the need to exorcise the Verandah is necessary or not. With a quick glance behind her, she scurries into the back yard, where she is met by
...outback Bob...his Akubra askance on his head, a stubbie of VB clutched in his
big fist...perched on the porch (or is that porched on the perch?)
"Eh! Where ya going, there?" says Bob. "Take a seat and have a coldie, eh?"
Wanders in with writers block mmmmmmmm.<P>Pulls up a floor board and ponders Killer koalas and gaint bess
and less insects such as ants.
As the Serving Wench changes into something more comfortable, the yellow eyes of the Koalas grow wider in the dar recesses of her room.
Suddenly there is a sound of a zipper slowly...softly...unzipping.
The Serving Wench stops her movements and keens her ear toward the sound.
"What was that?" she whispers to herslef, her heart racing just a little.
The soft zzzzing of the opening zipper echoes in the silence of her room. The Serving
Wench's heart beats louder, nearly drowning out the sound she strains to hear. She clutches her
silk pegnoir to her chest and peeks out from behind the changing screen cautiously.
Out of the darkness steps Professor Evil, his Koala suit falling off his
shoulders and dropping to the floor with a soft kerphlump.
He leers maniacally at the Serving Wench as he steps out of the furry suit.
"You like my marsupial p-jammies?" he asks, stepping closer to the Serving
Wench, as nekkid as the day he was born (and that is really pretty nekkid).
The Serving Wench gasps, her heart nearly failing her now as the room begins to
spin and her ears begin to ring from the adrenalin rush.
Suddenly, the serving wench pulls out a pair of marsupial shears from behind her apron. "Time for a little evil haircut, Professor Evil !" she snears, eyeing his nekid...uh....nakedness. Professor Evil backs away slowly, his eyes rivited to th marsupial shears. "Uh...can we talk about this ? " he whimpers, sweat beading on his upper lip.
As the wretched Snidely Whiplash, ah er, Professor Evil backs into the corner
he senses he is being watched by more than the serving wench with her wicked
shears....
There, in the darkness of the corner, he sees hundreds of glowing golden eyes,
and hears the sound of a herd of koalas slowly (they do EVERYTHING slowly having
to do with the difficulty of digesting eucalyptus leaves) licking their lips
in anticipation of something <i>special</i> being added to their rather bland
diet.
The glowing swarm of koalas moves closer and closer, their fur making that same
swooshing sounds that fat ladies thighs in stockings make as they whisper
"pardon me...excuse me" as they pass each other. Both the Serving Wench and
Professor Evil peer into the darkness at the sound.
"Mamma?" whispers Professor Evil.
Gradually the swooshing sound and gaggle of golden eyes becomes visible as they
move closer to where the darkness meets the light in a band of gray twilight.
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" screams the Serving Wench.
Out of the darkness appears a zillion-eyed chiffon-covered alien of truly
gross and disgusting proportions.
Both Professor Evil and the nearly fainted Serving Wench are frozen in the glare
of the zillion-eyed monstrosity.
As the hippopotamus ate the car, the man went crazy, eating all the lamp-posts in sight. His wife however, was at home with the milkman, and they werer sharing a sheep called verandah.
But as haley was fucking the sheep silly, she found she was too dry, so she lubricated his shaft with her pursing lips.
whats-up brother. Yo that sheep got it baaaaaaaaaaaad baby. Any hot an horny females out there wanting some sweet lovin? Get in touch baby.
GET BACK TO ME ON 01252 350603 BYE BABY. i'M IN ENGLAND COME SEE ME SWEET-THING HAH HA HA
as helicked her dripping lips, she came all over his throbbing cock
With a gun in his hand he pressed forward to the dark corner where the golden eyes lay. BANG, BANG, he fired the last two bullets in cartridge. As he caught his breath he saw a tricklr of blood near his feet. As he reached for the light switch he saw that it was his son that he had shot.
Tears roled down his face as he clung onto his blood covered, dead son.
With a gun in his hand he pressed forward to the dark corner where the golden eyes lay. BANG, BANG, he fired the last two bullets in cartridge. As he caught his breath he saw a tricklr of blood near his feet. As he reached for the light switch he saw that it was his son that he had shot.
Tears roled down his face as he clung onto his blood covered, dead son.
*Poof!* A black cloud, shot with swirling golden sparks enfolded the heads of the mini marsupials. As they inhaled, you could see their hair unclench, their bodies relax, their minds sharpen, and that niggling little pain in their left hindpaws evaporate. They wanted to snuggle.
In the dark corner Professor Evil and the Serving Wench clung to each other...riveted
by the scen that had just unfolded before them. They wondered where the English fella had come from, why there
was a sheep in the story (is this taking place in Machias?) and what the man and
his now-dead son were doing roaming around in this abysmal darkness in the first place.
Slowly the Professor and the wench realized they were holding each other close. They squinted in the
darkness to see just who it was they were clinging to. Suddenly recognition hit them!
And suddenly the Beast comes and turns savage in an attemp to save the day. He rips the evil professor to shreds, but in the savage state is easily confused and now doesn't know if he has killed the right person/thing.
He then runs off into the bush to speak to the koalas who attacked the verandah.
Wandering through in her usual way... stopping suddenly at the site of a shredded body on the floor. Running over and picking up tiny hairy legs... "EEEK! Some bugger's savagely ripped my pet spider, Incey Wincey into teeny weeny shreddy-weddy's!"
Suddenly aware of other presences in the room, she looks up and spies the Evil Professor and the Serving Wench locked in an embrace with an undefinably intense look on their faces.. she backs out of the room dropping spider legs on the way.. "ooo errr... pardon me... didn't mean to interrupt.... just go on with whatever you were doing... "
Turning and running back to her suite she calls an old friend... "Humpty? yeah... heart... need some advice and a few kings horses and men.... "
"You don't need help love, you need a real man" said a voice from the past.
"What??" she cried. "I told you I didn't want to see your ugly mug ever again! P**s off and find another spider to play with."
"If only I could" he sighed. "But you're the only woman for me. I told you that then and I'll tell you again...I love you!"
"Where are those damn meat-eating marsupials when you really need them???" She stormed off to............
To the real place of her heart the varander.
where the love of her life was waiting.
"hi,hon"she said
*steadily observes the koala herd as she whispers " I have a daedal solution"
*stopping in tracks while passing by... looking to Pasiphae...* you do? *scratches head* I dunno luv.. think it'll take more than a dildo to passify that lot *frowning and nodding to the slathering herd... laughing.. * but I'd like to see ya try..
*suffering a sneezing fit which causes mass expulsion of wax from ears* oh.. . DAEdal... *looking to Pasiphae eagerly* do tell...
She looked down at her sleeping husband. How peaceful he looked. No worries in the world.
Not for long though. She left the bedroom and picked up her suitcase and walked out the front door. A new life was beginning.........
Clutching his Purdy double rifle, Bob observed the woman leave...he hoped that she
would indeed begin a new life. But, in his heart of hearts, in the deepest recesses
of his grizzled soul, he just _knew_ that the damned koalas would haunt them all to
the ends of the earth.
wandering - wandering in after may moons seeing only spider legs and dust on the Riffer's caffe. Looking at Bob. Wondering. Wondering about the guns that are here....What's happened to the HOT TUB???????
*#^&! #@*&+?*!!!!!
*#^&! #@*&+?*!!!!!
the other day I took a walk in the garden. I found the bigest purple flower I wondered what it kind could be.
February 28 2000 7:50pm
This flower reminded me of something I had seen recently it was the same colour of a tin of paint that I really liked but unfortunately I had no house which to use the paint in.
they call me peaches because i am sweet and juicy in the middle.
Sweet and juicy ahhh, more like sour grapes he cried. He flung her to the ground, her contents spilling out. Using the heel of his boot, he ground her into the dust.
Shaf was a master spy with the intergalactic federation of sleuths and master plumbers. She walked with an air of domestic grace and catlike awareness. Although only in her 3rd decade of life, she emitted the air of someone with twice that life span. In her past lives she was connected with the design and implementation of the sewage removal system of The Roman Empire, and the integration of the east and west divide in eastern europe. her companions, the master of disguise, cunningly named Ian,could boast a stunning academic career which culminated in a first class masters degree a week before his sixteenth birthday, he took over the player managers job at Brighton and Hove Albion and took them from the depths of the third division to Champions League glory before returning to his other great love, music.
Replacing John Lennon in the Beatles was no easy task but one he completed admirably and the Walker/McCartney song writing partnership swept award ceremonies world wide.
But in many peoples eyes his work as a brain surgeon was his most worthwhile period, although some would later argue his Nobel prize winning efforts in securing a lasting peace in the Middle East deserved this accolade.But behind this monumental man the earth shook as Olliver M the man with no name, came up behind.Oliver M had worked as a systems programmer in a secret department of NATO. His most notable achievment there was preventing global civilisation degenerating into a medieval state by finding a simple solution to the Y2K problem.
Oliver's career in computing began shortly before his birth when he wrote the first version of DOS. Due to his modesty, and the fact that he was too young to legally front a company, Oliver created an android, called Bill Gates, to take the credit and lead the business. Unfortunately, due to his youth Oliver had not yet seen any science fiction films, so he did not realise that his creation was destined become obsessed with taking over the world and subverting the whole of humanity to its will.
To making this sort of mistake again, Oliver entered the world of online gaming, where the only risk would be that he will cause his employer to lose millions of dollars after players exploit undiscovered loopholes in his code.
Thus they stood. The XXX Men of tomorrow the earth trembling at the thought of facing these soldiers of war and destruction in the arena called the international exhibition Earls court London......the story continues...
:)
sh*t was we supposed to read all that crap before writing?:)))))))))))
It was only when we got to the exhibition that i realised that all of my work collegues were utter eggits. So i left the comapnay and became a full-time winno. Hanging aroung the streets of London is hard work, and need only be left to the most commited individual.
Anyway, after 62 years of having my arse freeze to the pavement i decided to start up my own vegetable market in my pants.
It was only when we got to the exhibition that i realised that all of my work collegues were utter eggits. So i left the comapnay and became a full-time winno. Hanging aroung the streets of London is hard work, and need only be left to the most commited individual.
Anyway, after 62 years of having my arse freeze to the pavement i decided to start up my own vegetable market in my pants.
hi i just want to say to any one out there that is going to get married soon good luck and i hope you know waht you is doing
meow...
meowww...
all of asoden I snze snze agin it is poson I screm but nobody cares just laghter and smiles I look around wildly is a trick I say then evreything stops I am falling falling off my bed "O" I say just a dream.
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